Reading into the Summer

After a very uncomfortable winter in the Midwest I am now relaxing with a book from the best seller list.  This is a very old practice for me and I have not selected a book from that list since I returned to college to complete my studies.  And that was a very arduous task that somehow seems to be an on going affair of my curious nature and learning process.  I can remember the days when the old grey matter was interested in reading anything that was printed, newspapers,magazines, comics, anything that was printed was fair game for me.  In those early seasons of my life- I was intrigued by anything that seemed to contribute to pop culture.  And if it was made into a movie that was all the more reason to read the book.  I can remember the arguments of some of my peers that read, 'it wasn't as good as the book".  This seemed to be the common claim.   I read some books that were good and some that were read because of the page count...ugh!  And sometimes the movie was better than the printed version.  And there were some that should I have read and not wasted my time on the movie version.  Or they were not made into films/movies until recently. My tastes seemed to evolve over the years but reading is now a practice to escape the past, present and not think about the future and this is one of those times that I am returning to in the practice of reading a novel.  And it inspires me to return to that pile of unfinished novels I put down due to some event,occurrence or some other pressing matter taking precedence over my time.  And I am appreciating my own developed interest in the narratives that seem to play with history, provide another perspective.   Because it is important to realize that one's own is not the ultimate, nor, can any others be omitted.  So, my summer will be engaged in the reading of books that I may not have finished or am interested in the subject.  So, as the spring seems to be moving into summer and the winter is but a bitter cold memory.  I am going to delve into the world of words, language, character, and purpose....dang.  So, my first read: In the Garden of the Beasts, Erik Larson.

A man with ambition seeking acclaim and to revive his academic career by becoming an ambassador to Germany during the rise of Nazi Germany.  The narrator feels his life is not as accomplished as it could have been due to those factors that some of us are familiar with in our own life. And I will spare the details because those side streets are ours to own and what the reader brings to the narrative is as important regarding the attraction some characters.  So, am fascinated with the descriptive detail that provides the mind's eye with the upwelling ideology of that era and how it was being used  in a time of limited media technology.  Hmmm...will attempt to provide more on that one later.

Another Day!

I am happy.  The end of the semester is fast approaching and I will be done with this portion of my life and free to move on to other ideas of what my life can be.  My first thought is to go to the Florida Keys and turn and look back over my path  that has taken me from these mountains to the southern farthest point from these mountains.  Then, it is to visit St. Augustine.  The place of Geronimo's incarceration.  My purpose was to sit and imagine the emotions associated with going from one extreme to another, desert to ocean. I wanted to imagine what that felt like and to be able to occupy the same space and place as Geronimo did doing that era.

However, while writing this blog and posting the photograph of the mountains that are part of the southern border of the Indian reservation I grew up on...it seems possible that I may have already experienced that task.  For the Midwest is a very flat place and my relationship caused me some great isolation.  So, I watched the environment of the sky.  And the clouds and the effect of the ever breezing wind on this flat land.  It was also painful to see the disregard most people had for this land.  And it seems very heavy with the emotions of apathy.

So, I sit alone.  My mind is filled with the images of what may have been and why it was not to be in this passing era of my life. The time to move on arrived and I was ready but for the effect it would have on the others in my circle/s and that was my fault because of the fact that I empowered myself with a desire to move on from this place.  A desire that was rooted in a love for adventure, passion, experience, and a desire to have fun.  But as quick as empowerment arrives, it soon can be co-opted by those seeking power at the expense of others.  So," the waiting is always the hardest part" to quote a song from Tom Petty.  So, not to put my self in the same category as Geronimo, but isolation is a part of this experience and difference is too.  Mountains, flat lands, but the apathy seems very familiar.  So, when the last weeks of Spring are winding down on this campus.  My mind is going south.  My excitement unfettered!

Making Waves

The last moments of these days has become an exercise in seeing the futility of repairing any debts to those that have been a part of this life in the "forbidden zone". As a youth, there was a franchise called, The Planet of the Apes. There was one in particular that referenced the "forbidden zone".

The thought of it intrigued my adventuresome nature because of the many "ideas" about my indigenous heritage and the idea that my ancestors never ventured into the deep, lush forests of the ancestral homelands. However, untrue that claim was...it still had an effect.
That is the nature of language and words. The authority to define and categorize objects, things,and people. I am no longer a son, an assistant professor, nor a husband. However, it seems those terms are based on relationships with others. So, they are not stand alone categories like the "forbidden zone". And in some of those relationships, it seems that there are some forbidden zones of taboo. Especially when it requires separation, autonomy or some change. Those titles are very malleable but can be rigid and used against individuals to gain some authority over those that are involved in those relationships. The taboo's can be: do not dissatisfy the students by challenging their intellect and receive poor teaching evaluations and heaven forbid-defend your self from such a practice and stand in your sacred space. The other is as a son, do not become a father like your father. Be better or worse...and if you are able to achieve any of the two then you have challenged the idea. Now, as a husband,there are many taboo's there...especially since it is open season on most indigenous men with ideas about their own needs and identities. But that is the kicker. I knew nothing about relationships outside the taboo of marrying outside the circle of Indigenous beauty. I did it and realize that most people when confronted with their ideas about relationships will resort to the lowest essence of their ideas about others. Especially, if it is a "mixed marriage". I should have ran like the bear down the mountain when I was first accused of being something that fit their idea of me. Shocking to be told and categorized by someone that seemed to be of interest. But I was not aware of this strategy. Be shocked and thrown off balance. I have spent too many years attempting to right that accusation. It was revealing. Now, after many seasons, I can reflect on what that was about. She defined me and I spent the rest of the time attempting to change her mind. However, it did not work. It's easy to call a fireweed a weed and not see the beauty of the roadside flower. And that is all I accomplished was to find that some people are some way and will continue to be that way and there is nothing wrong with me because she categorized me. O'well, my first grade teacher did the same thing...So, the forbidden zone exists somewhere over there. I can almost see it from my chair!